Sunday night, the presidential motorcade tangled up traffic in Manhattan’s East Village as the Biden clan descended on the Tuscan eatery, Il Cantinori, to celebrate granddaughter Finnegan's 23rd birthday.  (Her father, Hunter, was conspicuously absent.)  Known for attracting very important people by charging very inflated prices — a chopped salad will set a gastronomist back $28 — locals dub the celebrity clubhouse “Il Can’t-Afford-y.”

Amtrak Joe has traveled far from his early hardscrabble days in Wilmington, Delaware, where he squared off against neighborhood heavy, Corn Pop.  But, now, the silver hair-plugged patriarch fears that the end of the road approaches.  In the father of all political guilt trips, NBC News reports that Biden has “lamented aloud that he might be dead” before his son can bury his legal woes.

Michael LaRosa, former press secretary to First Lady Dr. Jill, tells the news outlet, “Every day, this president wakes up and thinks about his deceased son and probably cries every day.”  The flack adds that the legal stuff with the other kid is also “emotionally taxing.”  Insiders describe Biden as “upbeat,” “ticked off,” “laser focused,” and “consumed with worry.”

Nevertheless, Joe and Dr. Jill are determined to press on as long as Joe is able to stay upright.  Fortunately, their dedication to public service has afforded them a 6,850 square foot family cottage, set on four, prime, waterfront acres, to recharge for the battles ahead.